Schwer.

Hard.

Let me tell you, you  might think you are the strongest person in the world... then you are put into a situation that you can't even fathom. For the longest time I was prepared for this. "Yes, I am going to be an exchange student." ..."Yep, for a year." "No, I'll be fine.. I'll see everyone again." ..."Uh huh. Yup."
I've had so many conversations about being an exchange student that I thought I'd be fine.
And not be homesick.

Well, Deutschland has shown me that I'm not so strong...

But I think that's okay.

I feel so weak and alone in the moment, but I know in the future that will actually make me s t r o n g e r. It sounds impossible to me right now, but I have a feeling... I have hope that that is how everything will turn out.



Better.

"May be surrounded by a million people... I still feel all alone. I just wanna go home." [Home by Michael Buble]

Really, I have so much comfort here. My host dad is always there for me, always asking what he can do to make me happy... and when I was sick, my host mom brought me medicine and made me tee and everything.
It's just... different.
And I should be GLAD that I have such a loving family here... but...
It's not my family.

For the first time, I typed the words "I want to go home" yesterday.
Then I realized... how stupid.

Quit your cryin and keep your chin up, chickeedoo.


Make your grandma proud, and be the Princess she knows you are.
Make your parents proud, and be strong like they raised you to be.
Make your little cousins proud, and be their role model by living life to the fullest.
Make your big brother proud by showing him you're as brave as him.
Make your friends proud by making new memories to share with them.
Make yourself proud by sticking with it, Kenni.

^^ My inbounds call me Kenni, and I love it more than anything.
I love my inbounds... at my Sprachkurs, we all became so close.
Like family.

They ARE my family here.

I will meet them in Loreley next weekend... then the Berlin tour in October. Then (maybe) a ski trip in December (it's a little expensive). Then a 3 week European tour around Easter.

Sometimes, they are the what keeps me going. They are going through the same thing as me. And if they can stay strong, then I can too.

I'm going to make this the best year of my life. No matter how hard it is.

I can do this.